Thursday, January 2, 2014

Ten Things I've Learned in Ten Years of Marriage: Part II (His point of view)

I'm so extremely excited that my amazing husband has decided to help me with this blog post.  He's grown so much as a husband, father, leader and man the last ten years that I often joke that he should give husband lessons.  I won't keep you waiting any longer, here is what he has learned in the last ten years.  If you missed yesterday's post, you can find it here.

It takes three to make a marriage work; God must be the third person in your marriage.

It can't be your mother, her mother, your friends, her friends, or even your kids.  Any other person "in" your marriage will come between you, only God can bring you together.

It's perfectly OK to cry in front of your wife.

It is important for her to see you vulnerable.  She needs to know that you hurt, she needs to know that you care when she hurts.  It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're man enough to face the hard stuff.

You must pray for, and with, your wife.

She needs to know that you're fighting spiritually on her behalf.  She needs to know that you're asking God to protect her.  You must lead your wife spiritually, and the start to that is praying with her. Sidenote: Praying together has some added "benefits."

You must pursue your wife like you did when you were dating.

Pursue her with romantic gifts, letters, cards, actions, words, and surprise dates.  Plan romantic dates, do not ever leave this up to her.  It is your responsibility to set the romantic tone in your marriage.  If it's waning, take action immediately.

Becoming emotionally connected to another person is an affair.

Do not discuss your relationship issues with a member of the opposite sex!  Do not let members of the opposite sex discuss their relationship issues with you.  Protect your marriage!! Don't have close friends of the opposite sex.  Have couple friends, who protect their marriage the same way that you protect yours.

Admit when you're wrong.

I get it, it's hard for me every single time.  These few words can go a long way to repairing any relationship.  "I was wrong! I'm sorry!  Please forgive me!"

Help with household chores.

I don't mean take out the trash and change the light bulbs.  She finds you sexy when you're doing dishes or vacuuming the floors.  Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it.  Don't expect an award, just do it.  Let her reward your efforts, but if she doesn' her around the house anyway.

You must be the spiritual leader in your house.

Lead with your actions.  Let your wife and kids see you opening the Word and seeking God's face.  Take your family to church, lead your kids in Bible study.  If you don't do it, they won't do it.

Your wife is your mate, not your maid.

You're perfectly capable of picking up after yourself, putting your dishes in the dishwasher and washing your own clothes.  If she likes doing it, you're probably stupid if you don't let her, but don't expect it.

Treat her with honor and respect, give up your own life for her.

Be her biggest supporter, it's your job to lift her up.  Do this with your actions towards her. Speak kindly of her, when she's around and when she isn't.  It will get back to her. She isn't just the best thing in your life, she should be your life.  Protect your wife, in every way.  Protect her emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Never let her feel like she can't trust you.  Don't treat her the way you want to be treated, treat her the way she wants to be treated. Your biggest reward will be a happy wife, who fights for her family.

I'd like to thank my wife for asking me to do this with her.  Let me just say, having failed my wife in every area at one point or another; helping, honoring, loving, and respecting your wife will not only improve your marriage, it will work wonders in every other area of your life. The happiness you have as a man taking care of your wife is indescribable. There is nothing more manly than loving, serving and leading your wife.

Hey baby, thanks for editing this---Michael.

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