Jesus told a parable of a wise man and a foolish man. The wise man builds his house upon a rock, and the foolish man builds his house upon the sand. Honestly, I'm singing it right now and if you grew up in Sunday School and Vacation Bible School like I did, you are probably singing it too.
There have been times in my life where I knew there was no foundation to my life worth speaking of. Too many years went by where I was definitely a foolish woman and when the floods came (and they frequently did) my life washed away with the waters. The floods of those days were so visible to anyone watching. It isn't hard to miss a life spiraling out of control, and I wasn't very good at hiding my flawed foundation.
In recent years though, the foundation has been a bit more stable. Through the complete grace of God I've become a woman who loves the Word, seeks God's will, craves His presence and hides under His wings. Serving God has been my greatest joy and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. My kids all know Jesus as their personal Savior, my family loves the Lord and my marriage is built on Godly principles. The flawed foundation of my youth seems a memory, one that makes for a great testimony and some really interesting stories.
But then the flood came...
It wasn't a big flood, in fact most people who know me haven't even noticed it.
Someone said some little thing. It wasn't of much importance, and it really shouldn't have mattered. Except it sparked something inside of me, something I thought was long gone.
The waters of self-doubt and distrust started to rise and I ignored them.
I ignored them because I thought, no I knew, my foundation was strong.
Then someone else said something, some little thing that I should have been able to let go, something that didn't really matter.
And the waters kept on creeping...
I started seeking validation from others and using it like sand bags in a hurricane and it worked for a little while, to keep the flood at bay, but eventually the water came right over the top.
I had no idea I was getting caught up in a cycle, but that didn't make it any less real.
Feeling Unimportant = Serve until I felt better, run myself ragged and wear my family out
Feeling Unattractive = Change my hair, buy a new outfit, get new shoes...keep trying to look younger
Feeling Unnoticed = Post something on Facebook and feel a little better every time someone clicked "like"
Be a better mom! Be a better wife! Be a better friend! Be a better woman!
Dangerous Flash Floods Were Coming...
...and I had no idea. I probably wouldn't even have noticed if my family hadn't decided to give up social media and electronic games for a week. My ego would have taken the hit, and I would have gone right to my Facebook friends and Instagram followers for an instant fix.
Instead, I got swept away in a torrential downpour of fear, anxiety, and second guessing like I have never EVER experienced.
The waters were rising and I felt my little house falling apart.
But my foundation?
The flood didn't break my foundation, the flood exposed the foundation that was already broken. Realizing the brokenness that has been exposed is terrifying right at this very moment. I am facing the reality that Jesus and I have some more stuff to go through, and it probably won't be an easy journey.
But I do have faith that one day I'll be thankful for this flood, because sometimes a flood is exactly what it takes.