Perfection is the enemy...

I'm consumed with creating the perfect kitchen and dining area right now.  Refinishing cabinets, painting walls, retexturing ceilings and getting rid of that awful popcorn, are consuming my days.

Yesterday, I was supposed to start a new adventure.  I was supposed to step out of my comfort zone and begin the journey that God has laid out for me.  Instead, I spent 12 hours painting and completely put my life on the back burner.

Today, I realized how all consuming this project is and that I really need to accept the fact that perfection might be impossible (my kitchen/dining area was built in 1981 and had four layers of wallpaper, and sand texture on the walls).

I was sitting on a step-ladder with a gallon of paint on my lap, a 1/2 inch brush in my right hand and a meatball in my left hand.  My 7 year old fixed me lunch and I couldn't stop making the line between the ceiling and the wall "perfect" long enough to eat with him.

Perfection isn't only impossible, it's the enemy.  It's the enemy of productivity and it's the enemy of my purpose.

Easy, Grain Free Breakfast Sandwich

Like a lot of families, the Heislers have the joy of navigating life with food allergies.

Maclain is severely allergic to wheat and soy.

I am allergic to wheat and legumes.

This makes for fun eating.  We've pretty much given up on bread because of all the fun things we have to avoid.  When you buy a gluten free bread at the store it is likely to contain ingredients like fava flour or garbanzo flour.  While some of them are very yummy, they really aren't worth the expense or irritation that comes from eating them.

For about 2 years, I've been searching for a gluten free, soy free, legume free bread recipe that I can do at home.  If it's convenient, then that is even better.  The other day, I found this on Pinterest and seriously thought it was too good to be true.  Paleo bread, in the microwave!  I can make a single serving at once, which means I'm not wasting ingredients (which aren't cheap) or effort on a loaf of bread that will go bad in my fridge

I made a single serving a few days ago, and started thinking about all the yummy ways we can use this bread.

Then, I decided to try it out on my picky kids.

There are five of us, so one batch at a time wasn't going to work.  I got out my mixer and made some modifications to the recipe.

• I multiplied the recipe by the number of people I was serving.
• I decided on an oil to use.  This is important.  If I want a light and fluffy bread for a cold sandwich (which I did the first time), I use grapeseed oil.  If I want an english muffin consistency for a breakfast sandwich, then I use butter.
• I wanted a flat bread, so I used a flat bottomed bowl for the bread instead of a coffee cup.
• I  lowered the microwave time to 75 seconds.
• I did not add any honey, since it was optional and I'd prefer to not use sweeteners.

 To make it easier for you to try, here is my modified recipe for 6 breakfast sandwiches:

2 Cups Almond Flour
6 Tablespoons Flax Meal
1 Tablespoon Baking Powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
6 eggs
15 Tablespoons melted butter

Throw all of the ingredients in the mixer on low for about a minute.  If you want to mix by hand, whisk the eggs before adding to the other ingredients.

Grease the bottom of two ramekins or flat bottomed bowls.  Spread exactly 1/4 cup of the mixture evenly into the bottom of the bowl.  Microwave for 1 minute 15 seconds (microwaves may vary).  I have the second one ready to go in as soon as the first one is finished.  Once slightly cooled (maybe 30 seconds), use a butter knife to pop the bread out of the bowl. Repeat until you've used all of the batter.  You should end up with 12-14 pieces of bread.

Once I got my bread finished, I fried some eggs.  Actually, my husband did this part, and his system is probably the easiest way to do it.

• Heat a skillet with 2 TBSP of butter
• Fry one egg
• Put the sandwich together in the following sequence: bread, cheese, egg, cheese, bread.  The part of the bread that was on the bottom of the bowl, should go on the outside of the sandwich.
• Place the sandwich in the skillet (still hot, with some butter left over) for 30-45 seconds on each side, or long enough to melt the cheese without burning the bread.  Basically, make a grilled cheese sandwich with an egg in the middle of it.
• Repeat until you've used all your bread.

The kids loved their sandwiches, I loved my sandwich and no one had a strange food reaction.  The bread toasted nicely, and held up to the sandwich very well.  My husband had a steak and skipped the sandwich (you can't win 'em all).

Now I'm imagining endless possibilities for this bread; individual pizzas, BLTs, cream cheese and nutella sandwiches.  YUMMY!!!

Sometimes a flood...

Jesus told a parable of a wise man and a foolish man.  The wise man builds his house upon a rock, and the foolish man builds his house upon the sand.  Honestly, I'm singing it right now and if you grew up in Sunday School and Vacation Bible School like I did, you are probably singing it too.

There have been times in my life where I knew there was no foundation to my life worth speaking of.  Too many years went by where I was definitely a foolish woman and when the floods came (and they frequently did) my life washed away with the waters.  The floods of those days were so visible to anyone watching.  It isn't hard to miss a life spiraling out of control, and I wasn't very good at hiding my flawed foundation.

In recent years though, the foundation has been a bit more stable.  Through the complete grace of God I've become a woman who loves the Word, seeks God's will, craves His presence and hides under His wings.  Serving God has been my greatest joy and the most rewarding thing I've ever done.  My kids all know Jesus as their personal Savior, my family loves the Lord and my marriage is built on Godly principles.  The flawed foundation of my youth seems a memory, one that makes for a great testimony and some really interesting stories.

But then the flood came...

It wasn't a big flood, in fact most people who know me haven't even noticed it.

Someone said some little thing.  It wasn't of much importance, and it really shouldn't have mattered.  Except it sparked something inside of me, something I thought was long gone.

The waters of self-doubt and distrust started to rise and I ignored them.

I ignored them because I thought, no I knew, my foundation was strong.

Then someone else said something, some little thing that I should have been able to let go, something that didn't really matter.

And the waters kept on creeping...

I started seeking validation from others and using it like sand bags in a hurricane and it worked for a little while, to keep the flood at bay, but eventually the water came right over the top.

I had no idea I was getting caught up in a cycle, but that didn't make it any less real.

Feeling Unimportant = Serve until I felt better, run myself ragged and wear my family out

Feeling Unattractive = Change my hair, buy a new outfit, get new shoes...keep trying to look younger

Feeling Unnoticed = Post something on Facebook and feel a little better every time someone clicked "like"

Be a better mom!  Be a better wife!  Be a better friend! Be a better woman!

Dangerous Flash Floods Were Coming...

...and I had no idea.  I probably wouldn't even have noticed if my family hadn't decided to give up social media and electronic games for a week.  My ego would have taken the hit, and I would have gone right to my Facebook friends and Instagram followers for an instant fix.

Instead, I got swept away in a torrential downpour of fear, anxiety, and second guessing like I have never EVER experienced.

The waters were rising and I felt my little house falling apart.

But my foundation?

The flood didn't break my foundation, the flood exposed the foundation that was already broken.  Realizing the brokenness that has been exposed is terrifying right at this very moment.  I am facing the reality that Jesus and I have some more stuff to go through, and it probably won't be an easy journey.

But I do have faith that one day I'll be thankful for this flood, because sometimes a flood is exactly what it takes.

Why do I love Him so much?

Someone asked me the other day, "Why do you love Jesus so much?"

It wasn't a compliment, it was kind of said in that "What's so special about you?" kind of way.

I would be lying if I say that I wasn't taken aback.  I'm sure if someone could hear my thoughts at that moment, that it wouldn't have been pretty (cue video of my head exploding).  After some time, being the introspective (obsessive) person that I am, I started asking myself the same question.  Why do I love Him so much?

How do you explain the why the ocean is deep?  How do you explain why a child's smile is beautiful?  Some things just are, and defy explanation.  Why Jesus is worthy of love, is just one of those things.  There is no describing it, but that won't stop me from trying.

Make no mistake, there is absolutely NOTHING so special about me that makes me love Him more.  It's all about how amazing He is!

He was willing to forgive my sin debt.

He was willing to PAY my sin debt.

He loves me in spite of my shortcomings and failures (and there are plenty).

That still isn't enough...that list...to describe all the reasons I love Jesus.  See, all of those things are true about every single person that has ever lived.  So why me?  Why *DO* I love Him so much?

Jesus addressed this very argument, with a Pharisee who was questioning a woman's outpouring of affection on Jesus.  The story is found in Luke 7:36-50.

You can read the story yourself, but I'll give you the rundown.

Jesus was eating at some religious official's house.  "Religious official" isn't really a just description, but let's say that this dude knew the rules and followed them.  He not only followed them, but he made sure other people followed them as well.  While Jesus was at the guys house, the town whore came in and poured a very expensive bottle of perfume on Jesus' feet.  She cried buckets of tears all over His feet, washed them with her hair and then put MORE perfume on His feet.

The religious dude was slightly confused, and questioned whether Jesus was legit.  Surely if Jesus KNEW what kind of woman was washing His feet, He would tell her to stop!

But Jesus didn't stop her!  Instead, He told a story to the religious dude, you know to straighten him out.  Then He did this:

"Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” (Luke 7:44-47 NLT)"

Jesus' words, so simple and straight to the point, answered the question "Why do I love Him so much?"  I love him SO much, because I know that I need Him.  Because I know how broken, bitter, angry and sinful I would be without Him.  My sins -- and they are many -- have been forgiven, so I will show Him much love.  SO MUCH LOVE!!!

Ten Things I've Learned in Ten Years of Marriage: Part II (His point of view)

I'm so extremely excited that my amazing husband has decided to help me with this blog post.  He's grown so much as a husband, father, leader and man the last ten years that I often joke that he should give husband lessons.  I won't keep you waiting any longer, here is what he has learned in the last ten years.  If you missed yesterday's post, you can find it here.

It takes three to make a marriage work; God must be the third person in your marriage.

It can't be your mother, her mother, your friends, her friends, or even your kids.  Any other person "in" your marriage will come between you, only God can bring you together.

It's perfectly OK to cry in front of your wife.

It is important for her to see you vulnerable.  She needs to know that you hurt, she needs to know that you care when she hurts.  It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're man enough to face the hard stuff.

You must pray for, and with, your wife.

She needs to know that you're fighting spiritually on her behalf.  She needs to know that you're asking God to protect her.  You must lead your wife spiritually, and the start to that is praying with her. Sidenote: Praying together has some added "benefits."

You must pursue your wife like you did when you were dating.

Pursue her with romantic gifts, letters, cards, actions, words, and surprise dates.  Plan romantic dates, do not ever leave this up to her.  It is your responsibility to set the romantic tone in your marriage.  If it's waning, take action immediately.

Becoming emotionally connected to another person is an affair.

Do not discuss your relationship issues with a member of the opposite sex!  Do not let members of the opposite sex discuss their relationship issues with you.  Protect your marriage!! Don't have close friends of the opposite sex.  Have couple friends, who protect their marriage the same way that you protect yours.

Admit when you're wrong.

I get it, it's hard for me every single time.  These few words can go a long way to repairing any relationship.  "I was wrong! I'm sorry!  Please forgive me!"

Help with household chores.

I don't mean take out the trash and change the light bulbs.  She finds you sexy when you're doing dishes or vacuuming the floors.  Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it.  Don't expect an award, just do it.  Let her reward your efforts, but if she doesn't...help her around the house anyway.

You must be the spiritual leader in your house.

Lead with your actions.  Let your wife and kids see you opening the Word and seeking God's face.  Take your family to church, lead your kids in Bible study.  If you don't do it, they won't do it.

Your wife is your mate, not your maid.

You're perfectly capable of picking up after yourself, putting your dishes in the dishwasher and washing your own clothes.  If she likes doing it, you're probably stupid if you don't let her, but don't expect it.

Treat her with honor and respect, give up your own life for her.


Be her biggest supporter, it's your job to lift her up.  Do this with your actions towards her. Speak kindly of her, when she's around and when she isn't.  It will get back to her. She isn't just the best thing in your life, she should be your life.  Protect your wife, in every way.  Protect her emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Never let her feel like she can't trust you.  Don't treat her the way you want to be treated, treat her the way she wants to be treated. Your biggest reward will be a happy wife, who fights for her family.

I'd like to thank my wife for asking me to do this with her.  Let me just say, having failed my wife in every area at one point or another; helping, honoring, loving, and respecting your wife will not only improve your marriage, it will work wonders in every other area of your life. The happiness you have as a man taking care of your wife is indescribable. There is nothing more manly than loving, serving and leading your wife.

Hey baby, thanks for editing this---Michael.

Ten Things I've Learned in Ten Years of Marriage: Part I

Ten years and 1 day ago, my husband and I started out on an amazing adventure together.  I was a single mom of 2 kids (ages 2 years and 5 months) and he was a Soldier.  We knew he was deploying, so we started out on this adventure knowing that we would spend the first 18 months apart.  In the last ten years, we've added a child to our brood and he's adopted the two I had when we got married.  He has become my best friend, spiritual leader, and partner in ministry.  I wish I could say that getting here was easy.  I'm actually glad that getting here hasn't been easy because we learned some things through the struggles, things that will carry us through whatever is to come.  So here it is, ten things I've learned in ten years.  Stay tuned tomorrow for the ten things Michael has learned (yes, he's posting tomorrow and I'm so excited).

Surround yourself with people who honor marriage.

It isn't enough for your friends and family to honor your marriage, they have to honor theirs as well.  They have to uphold marriage itself as valuable and important.  An inner circle of friends who don't honor marriage will undermine yours, whether intentional or not.

A Christ centered marriage requires a Christ centered life.

A wise pastor friend of ours compares marriage to Scuba Diving.  Diving in Tandem (sharing a tank) you just can't dive as long, but if you each have your own tank you can better sustain.  Marriage is no different, you each have to have your own tank and it isn't your spouse's responsibility to keep yours full.

Forgiveness can't be earned, must be given freely, and isn't optional.

Forgiveness has more to do with who you are than who your spouse is.  Resentment is like a splinter in your finger, no matter how small the offense if left alone it can fester. Your spouse may do something unforgivable, forgive them anyway.  Forgive them the way you would want to be forgiven, you may do something unforgivable one day.

Laugh together, every single day!

Laughter is more important than communication.  Make each other laugh when things get tense, it makes dealing with the source of the tension so much easier.

Never, even once, say "I will never divorce you, unless ______"

I promise you, whatever you put in the blank will happen.  Don't leave a window open, a caveat on a marriage is a window that's wide open with no screen.  

A marriage can survive an affair.

If you've messed up, own up!  Be willing to face the consequences, be an open book, don't blame the other person.  If he (or she) has messed up, forgive them! Don't blame them for every thing that's wrong in the marriage.  Your marriage might not survive the affair, but it can so give it a shot.

Meet your spouse's needs.

If your spouse feels their needs aren't being met, ask what you can do to make it better.  Don't take it personally, unmet needs are often the result of needs that aren't communicated. Side note: Share with your spouse what you need from him/her and be reasonable with your expectations.

Do not nag!

Saying something once is drawing attention to a problem.  Saying it twice is a gentle reminder.  Saying it three times is nagging.  If it isn't affecting you or your children, and it isn't dangerous, don't bother with a second reminder.   Nagging about little things makes it difficult to draw attention to the big things.

Don't complain about his guy friends.

As long as they aren't treating you disrespectfully or encouraging him to keep secrets from you, let him have his buddy.  Odds are his buddy's true character will reveal itself eventually and he needs to trust you to hold him up when it does.

Be a wife worth pursuing, and ALWAYS make the pursuit worth it.

It sounds like I'm saying the same thing twice, but really I'm not.  I'm saying that you should do your very best to look your best, without being obsessed about your looks.  Every time you walk down the stairs, or out of your bedroom, make him say, "YES!  That's MY wife!"  Don't have unrealistic expectations, or be too hard on yourself (odds are you're not a super model), but get his attention.  Once you have his attention, and he makes the effort to pursue you...ALWAYS respond to his pursuit.  Never make him regret it, unless you want him to stop.

There you have it, ten things I've learned the last ten years.  What have you learned about marriage that makes you a better partner?

Tomorrow you get to hear from my hot hubby!  I can't express how excited I am about that!

...Take a Look in the Mirror

This week's VMAs and the outcry over the Miley Cyrus "performance" has me scratching my head.  The performance itself didn't surprise me one bit, what has me befuddled is that the parents of the tweens who grew up watching her didn't see it coming.  

If you are a parent of a child that is old enough to have seen Hannah Montana on Disney, then you have lived through the following child celebrity meltdowns (and this is no comprehensive list):

Amanda Bynes

Britney Spears

Lindsay Lohan

Christina Aguilera

Demi Lovato

Daniel Radcliffe

and if you're as old as I am (today is my 39th birthday) you witnessed a whole slew of them:

Michael Jackson

Macaulay Culkin

Drew Barrymore

Whitney Houston

Tatum O'Neal

Linda Blair

Leif Garret

Though some recovered nicely and are currently having commercial success, some never did and are no longer walking this earth.

My point, is that we shouldn't be surprised.  We should have seen it coming the first time she put on her little blonde wig and honestly we should've known better.  We should have known better than to let our daughters look up to her, no matter how much she promised (and we prayed) that she would be different.  She isn't different, she's human.

I get it, we live in a world where our children need people to look up to, young girls need heroes.  If you're looking for someone for your daughter to emulate, may I make a few suggestions?

Sarah became the mother of a nation (Genesis Chapters 11-25)

Ruth was a loyal friend and daughter-in-law (The Book of Ruth)

Rahab risked her life to save her family (Joshua Chapter 2)

Esther risked her life to save her nation (The Book of Esther) 

Mary risked her life to save the world (Luke Chapters 1-2)

This isn't a complete list either, and there are a whole slew of women in history who have taken risks and left the world a better place.  But, you don't have to look far to find a role model for your daughter. I bet, if we were honest with ourselves, the heroes we remember (the ones who had the most influence) weren't in New York or L.A. They were in our kitchen cooking dinner, sitting in the carpool line waiting for us to get out of school, on their knees every night praying for us and sitting next to us in church on Sunday.

If you want to see your daughter's biggest hero, take a look in the mirror.  Be the woman you want her to become. 

My Feelings on the Whole Thing...

...or Not

Since the Chik-fil-a President, Dan Cathy, came out in defense of traditional marriage, I have seen enough of people's opinions on the subject to fill the Library of Congress (twice).  I promise you this post is not my personal feelings on the matter, although I have really wanted to share my thoughts and feelings on the controversy, I can't think of a respectful way to do so.  Until I can present them in a respectful manner, I keep my feelings [mostly] quiet.  My husband said I should say something, because I do feel so strongly and he's probably tired of listening to my rants, but I just never could.  Matter of fact, I have started and surreptitiously deleted about 4 blog posts in the last few months.

Today, during one of my few [and far between] quiet moments, while I was reading on the amazing freedom that we have through Christ Jesus, I found this little nugget of scripture.  I've read the verse before, but I just love how the Word of God presents itself as new and fresh in times like these.

Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor (1 Peter 2:17a)

I guess that pretty much sums it up, not my feelings on the subject of marriage equality, but my feelings on the whole controversy.  We haven't been treating each other with very much respect and I think a little respect would go a long way in helping us to (in the very least) live with our differences.

The truth of the matter is, I don't have to agree with your system of beliefs, your point of view, your political opinions or your choice of life partner...but I do have to show you respect.

Honestly, I may not respect your system of beliefs, your point of view, your political opinions or your choice of life partner...but I WILL show YOU respect.

I realized today, that what angers me the most is that we [in general] see the issue so clearly, but we neglect to see the people behind the issue.  When we spout our rhetoric, we seem to forget that there are people who are being so disrespected by our words.

My beliefs on the subject are mine, and they will stay that way until I can share them without hurting a single person.  I will vote my convictions, I will pray for my friends, my family, my neighbors and my nation, and I will show proper respect to others.  I only ask that you do the same.

Lessons learned from Job

This has been one of those weeks!

I don't mean one of those weeks where a tire goes flat and you find out that your kid's dental care and the other kid's glasses are going to be way more than you can afford and you wonder where you're going to get the money, that was last week.  Last week was stressful, this week was impossible.

First, I saw the urologist and he wants to do surgery to get rid of a kidney stone, which measures about 8mm and is going to be very difficult to pass.  Surgery is scheduled for May 24th and if I'm honest, I'm very nervous.  I'm not nervous about the procedure, but I am nervous about passing the stone.  The surgeon will break it up into small pieces, those pieces have to leave my body and there is only one way for them to come out.

He put me on a sodium bicarbonate supplement to help "soften" the stone, which caused all of the fluids to back up in my system and even my nose was bloated.  Friday morning, I sneezed three times.  As soon as I did, I knew that I had hurt my neck.  I have had a tricky disk for years, where if I'm not careful it slips out of place and takes about 2 weeks, Advil and some chiropractic care to get it back in place.  Meanwhile, I can't turn my head, wash my own hair, drive a car or lift anything.  Hugging my kids is difficult, and it gets really easy to feel sorry for myself.

Tuesday is the day that this all started, but something else happened on Tuesday.  I taught the story of Job to about 40 kids on Tuesday.  The main point of our lesson was "I will follow God when everything around me is going wrong!"

The Bible tells us that Job was a righteous man, and that he was blessed by God.  One day God asked the Adversary (I love how the Common English Bible describes Satan as the Adversary) if he'd thought about Job.  What happened next, was a onslaught of attacks on Job's family and his livelihood.  In a matter of minutes his children died, his camel were stolen and his sheep were burned up in a fire.

Not for one second did Job feel sorry for himself, but he did cry and mourn his family.

Not for one second did Job blame God, instead he worshiped him and thanked him for the blessings in his life.

Half of his children were murdered and the other half were killed by a tornado but he didn't blame God or feel sorry for himself.

He worshiped God!

Is that what I did?  When I found out that I was going to have surgery?  When I injured my back?  When my husband wouldn't let me go hang out with the kids I teach the Word to 4 days a week?  When I missed church this weekend because sitting up for longer than about 20 minutes causes me pain?  When I missed an event Sunday night that I really wanted to attend?  When I couldn't take an Advil because it could cause complications with my surgery?


Did I worship God?

Unfortunately, no I didn't!  I cried like a baby that I couldn't hang out with the Dream Center kids on Friday!  I cried all morning on Saturday, that I missed the worship service that we hold at the Dream Center on Saturdays!  I felt sorry for myself when my family went at church without me, and I got really angry when I realized that the one thing that could get the swelling to go down in my back is on the preop "Do Not Take" list.

Then I got a wake up from the Holy Spirit!

My kids are healthy!

The kids that come to the Dream Center, have a lot of other people who step up and minister to them!
I have access to the best medical care in the world!

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Thank you Job, for setting such an amazing example!

Thank you Jesus, for taking my failures to the Cross!

Tonight, I worship my Savior!

Tonight, I take my eyes off of my circumstance and fix them firmly on the One who holds my future!

Operation 2012: The Best Sermon I've Ever Heard!

That statement sounds a bit hyperbolic, doesn't it?  I know what you're thinking, "Really, the BEST sermon you've EVER heard?  Seriously?"  But yes, and I've heard a lot of sermons.  I was born the daughter of a Southern Baptist Preacher, and for the first 21 years of my life I never missed a service and there were usually 3 a week (21 x 52 x 3=3276) and for the last 3 1/2 years, I've been a one sermon a week girl (52 x 3.5=182).  If you add in revivals, mission trips, conferences and the odd weekends, during the rebellious years, when I would go to church occasionally, I've definitely heard close to 4000 sermons in my short 37 years on this planet.  Honestly, some of those sermons were God-breathed just for me and some of them went in one ear and out the other.  But, this one, was amazing!  So amazing that I listened to it 3 times and plan on listening to it again.

What made it so special?

For starters it felt like it was only for me, but I realize it might not have been so I decided (in case someone else struggles with spiritual identity) to share my notes and some commentary (and a nice little link for the sermon, so you can listen too).

On what you think:

1) The thing you think about most, the thing that has your focus, has dominion over your life.

2) Focusing on what you don't want or what you want to change will bring about more of what you don't want.

3)  Seek first His kingdom and the power of His kingdom has dominion over your life.

That, my friends, is straight from Matthew 6:33!  So, instead of focusing on what needs to be "cleaned out" of your life, focus on Jesus first and let him straighten it all out.

On who you are:

Your parents did not think you up and bring you into existence, God did.  He came that you may have the life that He gave you in the beginning.

Your birthright and DNA determine who you are:
 
...and not the trauma of your birth circumstance

Did you hear that?  Even if you were the product of rape, an unplanned pregnancy when your mother was 14, dropped off at an ER and raised in an orphanage, etc.  You are not determined by that, your DNA is what it is, and it's not BIOLOGICAL (thank God)!  It's who God created you to be!  God conceived you, your biological parents were just the vessel!!!

For me, personally, this IS HUGE!  My mother is amazing!  I love her more than life itself, and credit the woman I am in large part to the strength that she has displayed throughout my whole life.  My father, on the other hand, was abusive, hypercritical, demented and evil when I was growing up (and he was a Pastor, so he made me good and angry at God).  I have been told, my whole life, that "he made me what I am, so I should be grateful to him and show him respect."  To be reminded today that GOD made me who I am, and not my biological parents, was SO healing and it may be for some of you too.

...and not the family that raised you

Did you grow up in a dysfunctional home?  Did you feel like you didn't belong?  Were you told that you would never be good enough?

Doesn't matter, that doesn't make you who you are!  God made you who you are, and that can't change!

...and not the forces set against you


Let's face it, Satan is the enemy of all that is Holy and he is DEAD SET against you fulfilling your destiny and becoming who you were created to be.  He sets forces against you, every day, especially if you're seeking God's will.


Doesn't change a thing!

...and not the hurt that has been inflicted on you


Bullied at school? Raped by a friend or family member?  Abused as a child?

Doesn't change one thing about who you are!

...and not the turnings of your heart or the leanings of your soul

Turned your back on God? Decided that he doesn't exist? Chasing false gods?

Doesn't change your DNA, doesn't make your birthright as His son or daughter any less real!

On discovering who you are:

Instead of working to learn everything you should know, become who you are.


The more time you look into your Heavenly Father's face, the more you will see your true self in His reflection. Remember you were made in His image!

That's it!  There is no list of rules to follow or steps to take, just spend time with your Father.  Worship Him, talk to Him, seek Him!  You don't have to know everything, you don't have to do everything.  Seek Him first, and all the rest...

...He'll add it, over and abundantly above what you could ever dream of asking!


In case you want to hear this AMAZING sermon for yourself, I've included the link!

Because God works in each of us differently, after you watch it, come back and tell me what it meant to you!  What did you learn?  What little nugget spoke directly to something that you have been facing?  I'd love to hear it!

Is War Worth the Cost?

            I saw a bumper sticker once, and I will never forget it because at the time my husband was in Iraq for Operation Iraqi Freedom and as his wife I needed to believe in what he was doing or the 12 months that he was supposed to be in Iraq would have been impossible to bear.  The bumper sticker said, “Except for ending slavery, fascism, Nazism, and Communism war has never solved anything.”  I appreciated the sentiment and it really helped me to be a supportive wife but my husband came home and my thoughts on war changed as the true cost of war became a reality in our home.  My belief that we should not allow tyranny when people have a right to be free will forever battle with my desire for no family to have to go through what we have.

            My husband deployed to Iraq in March of 2004.  On his first day in Iraq his convoy was ambushed and his vehicle was hit with an improvised explosive device.  His head hit the windshield and he bounced into the passenger side window.  He was diagnosed in the field with a concussion, given a cold pack for his head and he continued on his way.  His vehicle was repeatedly hit with explosives during the convoy from Kuwait to just north of Baghdad.  For several days, Michael was disoriented and dizzy, but when he requested further treatment he was told that he was overreacting and was sent back to duty.  He remained in Iraq a total of eleven months and twenty-eight days.

            When he came home, I was so excited and ready to get on with our lives.  Our first weekend together was supposed to be a second honeymoon; I got us a hotel room and sent the kids to a friend’s house.  When I first saw him I ran to him, kissed him and hugged him.  I noticed when we hugged that he winced and only hugged me with one arm.  I knew that something was wrong but I wanted to enjoy our weekend and figured we could deal with whatever it was later.  The weekend was more like a getaway with my friends than a romantic weekend with my husband.  We went shopping, ate in restaurants, talked, took walks together and drove around the city for a little while.  When we got to the hotel room he would sit on the end of the bed watching old sitcoms until the alarm would wake me.  Any time I reached to touch him; he would recoil like my touch burned his skin.  I spoke with several other Veterans’ wives and they all said that he just needed time to decompress from being in a high alert environment and that he would be fine once he got into a normal routine.

            I spent the next couple of years trying to keep things as normal as possible, with a husband who was withdrawn, angry, depressed, and in physical pain.  He was diagnosed by a counselor at the Veteran’s Hospital with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and was taking medication for anxiety which helped some but he was having problems that seemed more cognitive in nature.  In 2007, he was administering a brain function screening to Soldiers who were getting ready to deploy.  They absolutely hated it and to see what they were complaining about, he took the screening himself.  The results were consistent with a Severe Traumatic Brain Injury.  His cognitive function, memory and processing speed were greatly diminished.  He sought treatment at the Air Force Hospital, the Veteran’s Hospital and at local civilian hospitals.  When we finally knocked on enough doors that the Veteran’s Hospital agreed to do a full neurological work-up, the psychologist dismissed most of his symptoms as Post Traumatic Stress and signed him up for group therapy.  In the one phone conversation we had with the Psychologist, she told us that she didn’t believe that he had any brain damage at all and that the inconsistencies in his evaluation led her to believe that he was manipulating the system to get a higher disability rating.

The more he struggled with day to day life and the more we tried to find help, the more frustrated he became and one afternoon, he lost his temper and went too far.  He says that he reached to put his hand over my mouth because I wouldn’t be quiet, but what he did was place his hand around my neck.  He finally realized what he was doing when our children started screaming and he ran out of our house.  When we talk about it now; he says that he thought for a moment that he had killed me.  He drove himself to the Veteran’s Hospital and they admitted him on psychiatric watch.  He was taking too much of his medication, and had eight times the prescribed dosage of his anti-anxiety medication in his system.  Once all the extra medication was out of his system they sent him home with no further treatment.  We started seeking counseling from a private psychologist instead of the Veteran’s Hospital and he started showing some improvements but his cognitive ability was on the same level as an eight year old.

We never stopped looking for help and in the summer of 2010, more than six years after his vehicle was hit with an explosive device, we found a treatment center that would take him as an inpatient.  The center is located in Virginia and we live in Arkansas, which meant that he would have to leave his wife and children to fight another battle, the battle to regain his ability to function as an adult.  I am happy to report that my husband has made a miraculous recovery but he will never be the man he once was.  Every single day is a struggle.  Things that we take for granted, like reading and writing, are no longer a simple task.  He takes on every challenge and works as hard as he can to set goals and obtain them.  He truly is an inspiration, but his life after deployment was much harder than it should have been.

Looking back on the last eight years, it’s easy to see where the Army, the Veteran’s Hospital and the Air Force Hospital did not provide proper treatment to my husband.  Sadly, he isn’t the only Veteran that has received insufficient care.  In the article, Invisible Wounds of War, RAND Corporation estimates that in October of 2007 there were 320,000 veterans with probable Traumatic Brain Injury.  At the same time, the Defense Medical Surveillance System had only identified 113,816 Veterans with Traumatic Brain Injuries.  The Department of Defense has gotten much better at screening the brain function of Soldiers before and after deployment and the diagnosis numbers drastically increased after 2007 but there are a lot of Veterans from the first 5 years of conflict who, like my husband, are struggling through life with no idea what is wrong with them.  There are many spouses who don’t know why their Soldier is a completely different person and many children who don’t understand why daddy can’t read to them anymore.

I asked my husband if he would do it all over again, if he would go to Iraq knowing that his vehicle would get hit and that it would change everything about him.  He said he would do it again every single time.  He gets frustrated sometimes that there were so many missteps, that diagnosis and treatment took so long.  However, he was in Iraq when the 2005 elections were held, and saw all the people walking around proudly with ink stained fingers and he says that memory is worth all the struggles of the last 7 years.  He has seen true tyranny, and he acknowledges that the cost of war is high, but the cost of tyranny is even higher.

I think of our story and I struggle with whether or not war is worth the very high cost.  People should have religious freedom, little girls should be allowed to go to school and we should all be free to choose our own way of life, but is a single life lost or irreparably altered worth those freedoms?   I think the question should be not whether war is worth the cost, but whether or not we’re willing to pay the high price of freedom and provide our Veterans with proper care when they return home.

Bibliography

Tanielian, Terri L., and Lisa Jaycox. Invisible wounds of war: psychological and cognitive injuries, their consequences, and services to assist recovery. Santa Monica, CA: RAND, 2008. Print.

" DVBIC - TBI Numbers." DVBIC - Home. N.p., n.d. Web. 4 Feb. 2012. .

Operation: Telling Our Story

I'm going to publish a paper that I wrote for my Literature class.  My teacher asked our opinion of war and whether or not it was worth the cost.  I wrote the paper as academic as possible, so there are some parts to our story missing but you'll get the general idea.

Ginny

Operation 2012: Go ye therefore...

Mark 16:15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.

Tonight, we had our annual missions meeting at our Church.  We talked about where we do missions and why, and how blessed we are to be part of a Church that has so many opportunities to go on missions trips.  We currently have 19 trips scheduled, and more are sure to arise as the year unfolds (they almost always do).  We are sending teams to war torn Rwanda, earthquake ravaged Haiti, tsunami affected Japan, among other places.  Orphans, High School students, Widows and the like, will not only be taken the Good News of Jesus Christ, but will learn that people all over the world love them and pray for them.


Last year, I had the opportunity to go to Haiti twice, and both trips were a blessing.  My husband Michael went with me on the trip in July and we got to help in the Church of Hope's Vacation Bible School or "BBS" as the Haitian kids called it.  We had an average of 450 kids per day who got to hear a Bible Story, do a craft, play some fun games and get a hot meal.  In November, I went with a team of women from our Church, and we spent our days cleaning houses in the villages surrounding the Mission of Hope and our evenings having a Women's Conference similar to ones I have been to in the US.

My first love when it comes to missions, is and always will be Haiti.  The people of Haiti have so much joy and a true desire to know Jesus.  Worshiping and serving with the Haitians is so rewarding.  I hope to return there this year, and take my 10 year old daughter with me.  She has such a servant's heart and truly loves being with children.  I can't wait for her to meet Micherline, Pierre, and all the other orphans at Mission of Hope, that I have grown to love.

This year, another country has really stolen a piece of my heart and Michael and I feel called to go to Rwanda.  A couple of years ago, The Watoto Choir came to our church to perform.  Even though Watoto is in Uganda, a video they showed was of a boy who had been a Soldier in Rwanda and is now a refugee in Uganda.  Like Michael, the boy suffered from PTSD and struggled with a past that included him killing innocent people.  Since we saw that video, my husband has gone through treatment for PTSD and sought spiritual counseling for resolution of the guilt that comes from taking another man's life.  This boy's story, much like Michael's, was a story of redemption and renewal and as we sat in the missions meeting tonight it felt like Rwanda was calling for us to come.

The trip leader talked to us about how the former barracks for the Soldiers of Rwanda was given to the Diocese to build a school that would train new pastors, and I got tears in my eyes.  What a beautiful picture of redemption, and it is so similar to Michael's.  He was once a Soldier, and felt like God couldn't love him because of his taking other lives, and now he has surrendered his life to the Ministry and is going to school to learn to be a pastor.  Much like those buildings in Rwanda, Michael has been re-purposed for the Kingdom of God.  I scribbled a note to him on the back of our information sheet, "Rwanda's Story of Redemption = Michael's Story!"  We must've looked like a couple of fools, crying and holding hands in the middle of a meeting but we both knew at that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rwanda is where God wants us to go this year.

We got home and did the math, and we need to raise $10,000 dollars to go on both mission trips.  That seems like an enormous sum of money but with God, all things are possible.  We ask you to join us in praying that God provides the funds, like he has so many times before, for us to live out his calling on our lives.  We'll be setting up an Etsy page and putting handmade items up for sale and doing some other fundraisers.  We just know that God will make a way.

If you're interested in supporting us financially, please let me know.   Send us an e-mail at mikeandginnyheisler@gmail.com

In His Name,

Ginny

Some people can, and some people...

My 11th grade English teacher told me to never take up writing as even a hobby that "Some people can and some people can't!"  I think I hear those words in my head whenever I sit to write a paper, a blog post, almost anything.

And I started thinking, about all the times I let those words, "Some people can and some people can't," hinder me along the way.  Every time I start to write a sweet note to my husband, kids, a friend.  I struggle for words, thinking I sound silly or inappropriate.  When I go to pray for a friend, I stop and say, "I'm praying for you," and keep all the wonderful things that I want to say to her to myself because I don't want to sound like a "babbling brook."  That was his "special" commentary on a speech I gave once, that I sounded "like a babbling brook in that I made a lot of useless noise that would put any sane person to sleep."


Today, my college professor says: "I enjoyed reading your paper!  You are an excellent writer!"

What?  I'm an excellent writer?


To my 11th grade English teacher I say this, "Some people can, and some people are full of it!"

Operation 2012: Honoring God with Our Time

I saw this on a friend's Facebook post the other day:

Have you PRAYED about it, 

As much as you've TALKED about it?

Replace the time you spend talking about your problems, with time spent praying about your problems.  That will honor God, and He'll definitely show up in a big way!

Jeremiah 17:5-8

⁵ This is what the LORD says:

   “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
   who draws strength from mere flesh
   and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
   they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
   in a salt land where no one lives.

 ⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
   whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
   that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
   its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
   and never fails to bear fruit.”

Operation 2012: Honoring God with Our Bodies

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 

When I was growing up, this verse was used often to try and get me not to write on my hands and to "teach me" that tattoos were a sin (and worse a permanent sin).  Seriously, I'm not sure that's what Paul meant.  I mean tattooing "Jesus Lives" on your chest would, in my opinion, honor God but that's superficial and in the light of eternity may not mean a whole lot.

Honoring God with our bodies had more to do with what we do with our bodies, how we take care of our bodies and what we put into them.  Consuming a whole pizza with a six pack of beer and a half gallon of ice cream on the side isn't honoring God.  Sitting on the couch, day after day, becoming more lazy, more overweight and less active isn't honoring God.  Starving yourself and depriving your body of what it needs to function properly is not honoring God.

Step one of 2012, for the Heisler family, is eating better.  Cleaning up our diet is going to take some work and isn't going to happen overnight.  Michael has a sweet tooth and eats when he's bored and I have a tendency to binge on raw cookie dough in the middle of the night.  My kids LOVE candy and sodas as much as any other kids, and watching the disappointment on their faces when I tell them they get applesauce instead of Skittles breaks my heart.

We can clean up our diet though, we have to, Michael and I aren't getting any younger, and we're starting to notice the signs that we haven't been taking good care of ourselves.  Bigger waistlines and slower moving bodies aside, we're also having trouble with blood pressure levels and keeping our blood sugar stable.  For the first three months of 2012, Michael and I are doing the BodyByVi Challenge and if you're want to lower your calorie intake, increase your lean muscle mass, and getting those pesky pounds off the challenge is a great way to do it.  I'm sure the challenge, plus cleaning up the pantry and fridge and hitting the drive through a little less will get us moving in the right direction. 

Speaking of moving, that's Step 2!  We have got to get our bodies moving.  Michael and I are really bad about exercise, both of us have injured body parts and back problems that give us an easy excuse to stay seated on the couch.  We're starting slow...ten to twenty minutes on the Wii Fit...so as not to burn ourselves out, and we'll gradually increase intensity and time.

So come on and join us!  What are you waiting for?  Remember, we were bought at a VERY HIGH PRICE!

Don't forget to come back and check our progress, I'll be posting it here starting next Monday.

Operation 2012---It's all about Jesus

It's not a New Year's Resolution, per se, but it is definitely this years meme.  The Heisler family is dedicating 2012 to making the name above all names, Jesus, famous.  Through our lives, our actions, our giving, our service, everything we do to the glory of His name.

We started off 2012 in a HUGE way, sharing our testimony and the Word of God in a small local church this morning.  I don't know how well we did, but I do know how God showed up.

The founding Pastor's widow said to me as we were leaving, "You brought us a revival today!"

I can't wait to see how God uses this small congregation, but what she doesn't know is that the revival that started today was my very own personal revival.  Finally, I am fulfilling the call that I answered when I was 11 years old, the call to ministry.  Who would have known then that my future husband would receive the same call 26 years later and that his obedience would bring me to obedience as well?

God knew, that's who!

I can't wait to see what he has for us in 2012, nor can I wait to see what he has for all of you.

How is your Jerusalem?

Again, I'm back after a few months, to share the rest of my favorite verse.  I think it's my favorite because it was Jesus parting words to his Disciples.  When a mentor, a grandparent, a parent or friend passes away we tend to remember the last thing they ever said to us.  I remember my Grandma Billie told me that she was proud of me, PaPa Robert told me that I was raising some mighty fine youngins.  But Jesus wasn't just a mentor or a friend, he was the Son of God, equal with God, and the very last thing he said before ascending into Heaven had to be pretty important.

We've taken a look at the first part of this verse already, that as believers we have the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives and that we Will Be His Witness, regardless of whether we choose to.  The life we live, because of the Holy Spirit, reflects Jesus to the world.

 The rest of the verse gave me even more pause, as I let the Holy Spirit speak to me through it, and I really started to question how I was doing in my Jerusalem.  You see, when I wrote the first post in April I was going to church every week, working in our Children's ministry, reading the word with my family, and I thought I had this part down.  I thought, "Jesus is proud of the work I'm doing."  But really, I was proud of the work I was doing, and used my one day a week of service to excuse that I was not serving in my Jerusalem the other six days.  The other six days, what I wanted and what I needed was in the front of my mind and I was turning a blind eye to the needs of my community.  The more I prayed for God to open my eyes, the more I realized that so much work needs to be done, so many kids go to bed hungry, so many mommas are raising their children alone and worried about the world where their children are going to grow up, right here in Little Rock, Arkansas...right here in my Jerusalem.  So many people are lost, wandering and wondering if anyone sees them and if anyone cares.  When I turn my eyes away from their hurt, when I turn my heart away from their need, my witness is not showing a very loving and compassionate Jesus.



The Holy Spirit began to do what only it can, it began to convict me in a very real way.  It began to show me where I can serve and how to show Jesus, the real Jesus, to my community.

As of right now, my Jerusalem has two extra hands and two extra feet that take the Good News of Jesus where ever they go.


How is your Jerusalem?

You will be my witness...

I posted earlier that God is doing some amazing things in our house.  And one of them, is the transforming of our little family to a family that serves God and shares the name of Jesus.  My next few posts, will be based on one of my favorite verses, Acts 1:8, and the mission that God has given us to carry his light across the world.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the Earth." Acts 1:8 NIV, 2011

Every time I have ever heard that verse disected by a Sunday School teacher or a preacher I remember them explaining that we are to witness in our home town (Jerusalem), our state and country (Judea) and to our enemies (Samaria) and to other countries (the ends of the Earth).  While that is important and we'll talk about it later, today I read it and I noticed something different for probably the first time.  I noticed that Jesus didn't say, "I need you to be my witness," or "Some of you will be called to witness,"  or even, "Don't forget to be my witness."  Jesus said, "You will be my witness..."

At first I wondered why I had never noticed it before.  I was always focused on where to witness.  Then I thought about the words, "you will be."  It dawned on me that the words aren't leading up to a commandment, but a statement of fact.  I was taken aback, so I did what any normal person would do when they are faced with a serious conviction and I looked up several different versions of the verse just in case the NIV got it wrong (I know, self serving...but I am human).  The King James Version says, "you shall be,"  the ESV says, "you will be," the ASV says, "you shall be," and only The Message said it differently, "You will be able to be."  The next thing that happened, is I vowed to only read The Message ever again and put my NIV, KJV, ESV and ASV versions in the shredder...ok I'm kidding.  I actually looked up the definition of will.  "The expression of inevitable events," was the definition that best fit the use of the word when Jesus said, "You will be my witnesses..." he wasn't commanding us or he would have said, "You, go be my witnesses."  He was stating that for believers being His witness is an inevitible event, and for me that was eye opening and terrifying. 

"What if I don't feel like it today?"

"You will be my witness!" 

"What if I don't even leave the house?" 

"You will be my witness!"

"What if I don't feel called?"

"You will be my witness!"

You get the idea, I was arguing with the Holy Spirit, and no matter how many times I read this verse looking for a different answer it still says, "You will be my witnesses."  The Bible is crystal clear and left no question, no matter what I'm doing, what I feel like, or what I've been called to do, because I have given Jesus my life I will be his witness!

I guess there is only one question left.

"What kind of witness will I be?"

Will I send people running to, or running from Jesus?

An Apology!

I would like to apologize, mostly to myself, for not writing in months.  I have missed my little therapy sessions with myself, and I would like to say that I'm going to do better but honestly life is so busy that I probably won't do better for a while.

You will see a few upcoming posts from me though, there are some exciting things happening in the Casa de Heisler, because God is so good, that I need to share and shamelessly ask for your help.

See you soon,

Ginny